Asalamu alaikum and a warm Ramadan greeting to you all!
I haven’t written anything in months now and intend to keep up a little better in the coming weeks, when I have things to get all soap-boxy about. I’m not much of a preacher, but from time to time, certain things stick in my craw. Today, I just wanted to write something about the art of forgiveness.
The Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu ALaihi Wasallam) was seated in a gathering with the Sahabah when he looked towards the entrance and said, “A man of Paradise is coming.” At that instance someone who seemed to be very ordinary entered the mosque where they were seated. A Sahabi was curious as to why the Prophet had said this, so he followed the man to his house. This Sahabi told the man that he was a traveler and stayed as a guest. For three days the Sahabi saw nothing unusual, so he finally told the man what the Prophet had said and asked him what was so special. The man thought for a long time and said, “There might be one thing — before going to sleep every night I forgive everyone and sleep with a clean heart.”
This is one of my favourite ahadith. It always gives me pause and makes me stop to contemplate what I am forgiving and what I am holding on to, and why. If we can’t forgive those who have hurt us, caused us emotional pain, how can we expect forgiveness for the wrongs we commit? Now, I am in no way suggesting that serious harms or abuses or criminal acts shouldn’t be punished, and that the emotional and physical by-products of such hurt should automatically be forgiven. Sometimes forgiving such acts isn’t actually the best path. What I am talking about letting go of are those little things, those which don’t cause physical injury, loss of health or wind us up in some manner of expensive therapy for years to come.
What I am talking about are the words and actions- gossip, slander, being marginalized, or being purposefully left out. I mean the stuff that might make us sad, might make us feel insulted or put out. These are the little nagging things that can drive us crazy if we let them. They can make us isolate ourselves out of fear of being hurt again. Of being ignored again. Of being gossiped about, left out of gatherings or slighted in some way. Now obviously I am not mentioning some radical new idea or thought. This topic has been written about, discussed, encouraged and preached for centuries. It’s just that I am not seeing a lot of it lately, even within myself. I don’t know about y’all, but sometimes I hold onto hurts, like some sort of currency that will help me do God knows what. But when I remember this hadith, I always seem to be able to let that little something bad go.
Maybe it is enough at the end of each evening to just sit and contemplate our day, and when we remember a hurt against us we purposefully ask God to remove the memory of it and to forgive the one who hurt us. And when we remember a hurt we have done to another, we can ask God to forgive us and then work to make amends for the hurt, if possible. In the end, we just need to forget the hurts against us and let them go, and forgive the one who did the hurting. Maybe throw in a nice dua’a for them while we are at it…
This is probably a much discussed issue simply because for some it can be so difficult to accomplish. But since this is Ramadan, a month in which we seek Mercy and Forgiveness and Love, I just wanted to write a few reminding words about making sure we take time to tend to practice a little of it ourselves, so as to help us seek that Divine Favour, inshaallah.
Be well, be forgiving and may Allah subhanahu wa tala grant us all tawfeeq. Ameeen.
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