How Extremists Saved My Deen… a debt of gratitude.

How Extremists Saved My Deen

I realized this Ramadan that I owe a debt of gratitude that has been five years in the owing, and since Eid just about upon us, I think it’s best to go forth and thank. Now, this may seem like sarcasm, but it is not. I am truly grateful that I spent nearly two years within the local wahabbi community (also called ‘salafis’ because they are under the delusion that they are imitating the early community of Muslims from the time of Muhammad -saw). I am grateful to Allah for putting me through that, and even more grateful that He pulled me out of it, life and mental health in tact.

Many converts and born Muslims spend time going through stages of rigidity and extremism. This is not limited to Islam, of course, ‘born again’ Christians are a clear example of extremism that some Christians feel the need to explore. What I have found with the wahabbi community is that it tends to have a shelf life… not many can stay in that space of anger, hate, intolerance and rigidity for too long, and thankfully most sisters I have known who went through that have successfully come out the other side. Some, sadly, have not. I still run into sisters around town who have been dedicated to that empty way of life for many, many years. Sisters who are educated and should know better, just as I am educated and should have known better. And deep down, even when I was in the thick of it, I did know better. I just didn’t know how to escape.

When a person first begins practicing a religion, any religion, there often comes periods of insecurity and questioning. And too often, out of a fear of stepping over the bounds into ‘wrong’ behaviour, we believe any ultra conservative advice that comes our way; never questioning it and never wondering whose interpretation this is. Of course, for Muslims, this advice comes to us couched in ‘it’s the sunnah’ or ‘its in the Quran’ but that neglects to explain to us the context in which the Quranic verse was revealed or whether the particular sunnah they are quoting is sound, truly sound. And we have to remember the stock in trade of the wahabbis is that they both quote Quran totally out of context and they hadith hurl. Meaning that they pick any verse out the Quran to prove a point, even if the verse has no relation, whatsoever, to the point they are trying to prove, and they just throw out randomly picked hadith out of hadith compilations, in an attempt to control people’s choices and opinions. They take their moral directive from ‘scholars’ in Saudi Arabia and they follow the opinions of western ‘scholars’ who have been funded and educated by Saudi petro-dollars.

I found my time as a wahabbi to be extremely stressful and oppressive. I was constantly told by other wahabbi sisters who to be friends with (or not friends with), what to wear, what to say, how to talk to Allah, what to do and what not to do, right down to the most ridiculous of actions. One sister was so concerned that I stopped plucking my eyebrows, because even if I prayed every prayer, on time, fasted all of Ramadan, gave charity and made Hajj, it would mean nothing if I continued to pluck those Slavic brows… I was hell bound for such aberrant behaviour. Can you imagine such ignorance? Such absolute hatred of Allah? Yeah, well, I was living it 24/7. There is no Mercy or Divine Love in this way of life, and I learned it, time and again. In the end, I became an oppressor too, may Allah forgive me. And may all the sisters whom I oppressed also extend their forgiveness towards me.

But still I am grateful. I am grateful to Allah and to every single sister who oppressed me with her demands. For if I had not gone through this terrible experience, I might never have known the Truth.

What is the Truth, you may ask? Well, I am glad that you have… The Truth is that Allah, in His Infinite Wisdom and Mercy, has not created a deen, a way of life, that is rigid, austere, full of hatred and intolerance, that is oppressive and driven by rules and regulations and little else. But no! Allah in His Infinite Wisdom and Mercy has instead blessed humanity with a deen of love, peace, tolerance, kindness, gentleness, acceptance, inclusiveness, and the ability to be grateful. We can develop an amazing relationship with Allah, both in our submission to Him and in our daily conversations with Him. We know He is Most Merciful so we know that He created humanity with much capability for logic and reasoning. We never have to worry that He is so petty that He will cast a believer who is striving, in any way that they can, into the Hellfire for ridiculous reasons, like eyebrow plucking, or any other of the litany of silliness that extremists throw at us. Allah is above all that junior high school foolery. Allah is not capable of contradiction, so we know that when a ‘sunnah’ contradicts the Quran, that the sunnah is false. Period. This is very liberating. To know that Allah is steadfast and Forgiving, full of Peace, is calming, it is soothing, it is reality.

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Eid Mubarak!

t

The Myth of The ‘Hojabi’; a Ramadan Reminder

Asalamu aliakum and a warm Ramadan Mubarak to all!

I am just writing quickly on a topic that has really hit my heart over the past month, one that has caused me much grief and sadness every time I contemplate it. So I endeavour to broach the subject here, and while I may come across as harsh, even rude, it is simply because I feel that this subject is so serious in our western ummah right now, yet treated very lightly, jokingly even. And, at first you may think it funny, but get the laughter out of your system, the issue is really serious. Forgive me if I offend, but this is really in defence of all the sisters out there who are being viciously maligned by brothers and sisters with barbed tongues…

Really, I must be living under a rock. Until recently I had never encountered the term ‘hojabi’. I was reading a recent publication by a well known UK convert in which two of her characters are ridiculing sisters who wear hijab but do not wear it according to their exacting standards. Never had I heard such a foul and slanderous term used by one sister to describe (disparage) another. I think what shocked me even more than this particular ugliness was the glaring fact that the author (who wears a burka full time and believes this to be part of our deen, for some reason) made no attempt to have either of the characters explain how using such a term is a slander, a ghiba, and thus a very serious crime in Islam.

Two weeks later I read an article in a well known English language Islamic magazine in which the author bandies about the term hojabi to describe a large number of her co-religionists in America. Apparently, every sister who doesn’t go to Omar the tent maker for her day wear is a hojabi. Any sister who dares to show her earrings while wearing a head scarf is a hojabi. Fitted jeans? Yikes! The slurs just pour forth. And Allah forbid, but if a sister wears a head scarf (in any manner) while wearing shorter sleeves or a shorter/fitted skirt… well, she might as well just tattoo a big ole’ ‘H’ on her forehead. ‘H’ for ho, of course.

Seriously, people? Are Muslims so insecure and self loathing these days that we have to resort to calling our supposed sisters in Islam whores if they do not conform to the same standards of dress that we do? ‘Cause that’s what a ‘ho’ is. A hooker. And that is what you are calling believing women who just happen to dress differently than you do. Can you say ‘sick’? ‘twisted’? Yeah, I can also say something else you may have heard of…. ‘hellbound’. Because every brother or sister out there who labels a muslimah with such a vile and slanderous term has two choices… Stop your stinking tongue from saying that degrading stuff and repent to Allah for the misery you have caused or keep on going right to Judgement Day with that. Good luck, if you choose the later. The Prophet Muhammad, salalhu aliahi wa salam, taught us that one who slanders and repents will be amongst the last to enter Jannah on that fateful Day. The one who slanders and doesn’t repent, will be amongst the first to enter the Fire. Your choice, ‘hope you love Allah enough to pick the right one.

So, this Ramadan season, when we are striving, inshaAllah, to do better, to be better, let’s start with our selves. If you really hate yourself so much that you have to call a sister a ‘ho’, perhaps you ought to figure out why you hate yourself that darn much. If I seem harsh, it’s only because I love you. And in particular, I love the sisters whom you revile with your slander. They are the sisters I feel true kinship with; you ladies who use that term to describe a fellow muslimah are the ones the Prophet, salaahu alaihi wa salam, warned the ummah about. You remember, right? When he, salalahu alaihi wa salam, said that the true believer was one that a fellow Muslim felt safe from their tongue. If your sisters can’t be safe from your tongue, how could they possibly trust you with anything else? They can’t. Not until you prove yourselves worthy of that trust. And brothers who use that term to describe a sister? Yikes! Muslimahs everywhere beware! If you know a ‘brother’ like that, run away, don’t walk! Run!!!

So yeah, I realize the term may be funny sounding, a catchy play on words. So laugh if you must. But please be ware of letting that term fly out of your mouth in reference to a sister, or a group of sisters. Or at least make sure you’ve got a lotta good deeds to cover your balance on that final Day… Maybe I am making a big deal out of nothing, but the feminist in me is tired of women being maligned in our community because they are not a cookie cutter of the most extreme and rigid sisters out there. And I know a few women who have been ridiculed for their approach to hijab and they are too sweet and too timid to stand up for themselves. So I am here shouting it from the rooftops that it’s time our community stop this slander. Please. For the sake of Allah, for the love of Him. These women you are maligning are someone’s daughter and quite possibly someone’s mama. How would you like someone to call your daughter or your mother a whore?

Think on that this Ramadan season. May Allah forgive and guide us all. ameeen

masalama,

tanda.